I Stopped Fighting My Mental Illnesses.

 To everything (turn, turn, turn) There is a season (turn, turn, turn) And a time to every purpose, under heaven. A time of love, a time of hate. A time of war, a time of peace. A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing.               From the song: Turn Turn Turn                                         By Pete Seeger Most of my life, as long as I can remember Mental Illness has wreaked havoc on my life. Depression, Anxiety, Emotion Regulation, Mood stabilization issues, Black and White Thinking, Self Medication, Rage. All this led to an inferior quality of life, broken relationships and a trail of human wreckage that spilled back decades. In the late 00’s after another “breakdown” and Suicide attempt, I got, as they say, “sick and tired of being sick and tired." I was ready to do whatever it took to get better. I decided I was going to fight this Mental Illness until I defeated it leaving me victorious over it. So with determination, I slowly and deliberat


When I am out running * and I see another runner. I don't know how far they have run, or how far they have yet to go. I don't know if they are experienced, or if they are a novice. I don't know if they are running for distance, or speed. I don't know if their effort is easy and manageable, or if they are struggling and the run is taking everything they got. I don't know why they run. So I just accept that they are also out running just like me. That I should just cheer them on and wish them the best without judgement, as I myself keep plugging along with my run. * Running is a metaphor for life. 5/18/18

The Mask

The Mask That mask you wear. The lie on your face. The one that you think protects you. The one you think keeps you safe.  That mask is poison. That mask is the tool you use to lie to your family and friends. That mask you use to hide the true you, and that's the problem. You see what you think is helping keep the real you safe actually hides the real you from the light. It hides the real you from the truth. So the real you shrivels in the dark and wades in lies. The real you starts to buy the lie that the mask you wear is good and the real you needs to be hidden. Until the real you that has been forced behind the mask so often for so long no longer feels valuable to you. The mask is poison. The real you needs light to grow. The real you need light to heal. The real you is authentic there for beautiful. So I ask you. I beg you. Take the mask and break it. Throw it away and be you. Show you. Let the real you feel the light on your face. That mask

A recent Letter

I think everyone should get letters like this! Dear Elliott, I wanted to recognize the hard work you have been doing recently.  I know that what may seem like a simple task for most can be very challenging for you. I know You have been through times in your life that pressed you so hard you only thought suicide would give you relief.  I know that you used to dread participating in the human experience. You cursed your body mind and soul. Now I see a new light in your face. You are fundamentally the same man, yet you smile now because you're happy not because you’re hiding.  Where you once looked at everything as a burden that had to be endured. Now you approach life as the amazing journey that is a reward in itself to live. Hope has replaced hopelessness. Courage has risen from the fear. The struggle has been met with determination. You have transformed the entire world the hidden and the seen. Congratulations! I want to remind you that you got to where you are because y

Goals, Goals, Goals!

Any person who knows where he’s going and what he’s doing is a success. -Earl Nightengale Contrary to popular belief, you can't just announce something about yourself create a Facebook page claiming the same thing and it's suddenly true. For years, I refused to make goals. For years, I was never positive if I was successful. People will misinform you and say “success means different things to different people”. That is not true. Success means “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose”. People have different goals. So people have different aims. But success is basically just doing what you set out to do. So what are your goals? They don't have to be huge, life transforming feats. It might just be getting out of bed or talking to a stranger. It could also be world domination or build the biggest Lego tower ever made. Your life, your goals. If you could give 0 fucks if you are successful (notice I didn't say that the world thinks you're successful) don&#

My Story

My Story  was first shared on the Worth Living blog at

You cant take that away from me.

Happiness is an inside job Don’t assign anyone else That much power over your life  -Anonymous People don't steal smiles from you. They don't shame you. They may act like a total fuck nugget towards you. They may go out of their way to be unthoughtful or unkind. Maybe even downright mean. But when you say they are making me _____ because they said I was ____. Or they called me _____ and they are shaming me. I have to call bullshit. Here is why I say this. (Feel free to disagree) We are responsible for ourselves. If someone calls me a mentally weak cuck piece of shit that can't hold a job that will never be loved by anyone. If that was said to me I have not been shamed. Someone is merely sharing their opinion of me with me. That's it. Taking my smile away. Nope. That is all me. Shame? Nope. That would be me generating that feeling inside my self. If shame were actually something that we could generate and then force inside others the